4 Weeks In

I have three kids. This dawns on me every once in a while. Oh... say... at 3am every day - and again at 6 (am or pm - take your pick).

I had a thrilling birth experience. After finally resigning to the idea I'd have this baby right on time, leaving no room for spontaneity, she decided to come on her own mere hours before the scheduled c-section. There were bumps in the road. I hadn't planned on having anybody but Brent with me until well after we were settled. That didn't happen. I planned on having a "spinal". That didn't happen. I had to be given enough anesthesia to numb a herd of woolly mammoth when I was still able to move my legs and feel soft touch after syringes-full of happy juice. I planned on holding down my cookies during the operation. That didn't happen. And I planned on being pretty overwhelmed and stressed out right off. And that didn't happen. I decided to be unapologetically selfish with my time and sleep. And that has truly been the biggest favor I've ever done for myself. I feel great!

I was just telling Brent last night how happy I am and what a great experience this is. I really feel like I'm floating on air. He asked if maybe it has everything to do with the part about being medicated. I don't think. When I turned 30, something happened. I decided to grow the heck up. I feel like I'm an adult. That means reacting like one - and having a bit better understanding of how FAST this will fly by. I will soon have six straight hours of sleep, and then eight, and then maybe even ten on a Friday night. One day she'll buckle herself into the car. And then one day she won't want me to walk her in to school in the morning. I don't know what it will be like to have these guys go off into the world on their own, but I will wake up one morning and it will be real for me... and it will seem as if it came way too soon.

I have slowed down. I am taking it all in. And I'm just really cut out for this job. And I don't think this photo even looks like her.