"That" Kid

This school-year is now the fourth to have one or both boys in school. And while it may be shocking, I’ve never had a single incident with either of them needing any major discipline… while at school [let me be clear]. Their teachers have always reported what kind people they are, what great help, good friends to their classmates, and well-behaved. And I can’t say it’s a big stunner with my oldest. But the Kindergartner has issues. So, hearing great things about him, in particular, is a bit of a nice feeling. It’s official, he does have a soul.

But then. I get a call from the elementary principal Monday. She has my youngest in her office, prepares me to listen to his side of what went down, and hands over the phone. His upset, hiccupy voice tells me his little friend told him he didn’t want to sit by him – and so… he “accidentally” BIT HIM. Now, I’m one who tries to give my children the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he lost his balance and fell teeth-first into this kid’s back. Maybe he was trying to quietly enjoy his lunch and the kid’s back got in the way of the ferocious PBJ-bite my son was taking. But my intuition told me this was rather on purpose… or as we like to say at our house… “On PERBISS”.

I spoke for a second little while with the principal and we came up with what I would imagine would be incredibly nerve-racking and mortifying for a kid… we had him apologize to this child’s father – who happens to be the high-school assistant principal. Yeah. Great. We know how to pick'em. But I was on board with however appropriately we could DRIVE THE ISSUE HOME… We are almost 6. We do not bite people. We say, “You’re being rude. I’m going over here now.” or even, “Weirdo!” is better than Hmm… what can I do to make this kid regret not wanting to sit by me? I know! I’ll bite him. THEN he’ll be sorry and want to sit by me every time.

Anyway, I talked to Brent and another mom about how to further handle it… and decided to let the resolution remain at school this time. I didn’t want to lambaste him, or even have him feel that I couldn’t understand how his feelings might have been hurt by his friend. But in talking to him about it later, I made PERFECTLY CLEAR that we do not handle our issues with friends this way, asked how he can better handle it in the future – and told him if ever ever ever it happens again, we’ll be in MAJOR trouble at home too.

But this isn’t really what this post is about. It’s about this incident striking a worried nerve about the fact that I WAS NOT A NICE KID every time I could have been… and now my son has done a compulsive, reactive thing when he otherwise isn’t sure how to find a healthy outlet for how he feels. I mean, I had friends. I was invited to slumber parties – this didn’t become the case of the outcast who couldn’t be befriended. I just did some mean things I’m sad to admit - one of which might involve jabbing a classmate with a pencil. That favor was returned. Believe me; the lead mark is still under my skin.

So, what is a mom to do? [That’s rhetorical]… I think these things follow people. I became a bunch nicer by the time I was in Jr High; but still, my brother came home one day - several years after the fact - and asked me why I’d bent Jeff Mold’s fingers back when I was 10 – because Jeff apparently remembered and struck up the conversation with my brother at their high school track practice about what a mean person I’d been to him. What do you say for yourself? I don’t know why I did it. I still don’t. I mean… I know why… he wouldn’t get his clompy feet off the back of my desk. But I don’t know why I handled it with the hyperextension of his index and middle fingers… on PERBISS.